The Borderline Rage

Story Featured on The Mighty

Have you ever gone from zero to nuclear in a matter of seconds?

For people with BPD, our mood swings are so intense they make us act and do some crazy things. The borderline rage is terrifying. One moment I can be dancing and singing then a second later I don’t recognise myself. I am throwing furniture, punching walls, self-harming and destroying objects of mine. I lose all sight of my surroundings and all I see are my hands as my coping mechanism to make this anger loop stop.

Why do we act like this?

As I am learning this anger is so complex. But for many of us our anger stems from childhood abuse (physical, sexual, emotional, psychological, emotional), neglect and rejection. Possibly living in an ever-changing, unpredictable environment where a child does not know how to survive. We store all these memories and find other ways to survive. So although we look angry as adults or children, anger is the tip of the iceberg. Anger is sometimes the easier emotion to feel rather than the hidden emotions we feel – the emptiness, chronic pain, self-loathing, confusion and guilt. Something I’ve recently discovered.

This year has been the year of anger for me. And I am no longer ashamed to talk about this.

For years I internalised my anger, pushing it aside until this year the arrow of rejection pierced my heart and shield and out came years of hurt.

Situations, conversations and emotions replayed in my head (rumination), even my dreams were not safe. I felt like the only way to stop the circuit was to divert my attention and feel the pain through self-harm.

So these few months I have been exploring how to manage my anger before I rage. I’ve realised the trick is to do these activities daily. Not just when I’m upset or becoming angry, otherwise their effectiveness is not strong enough. Instead, anger management is becoming a daily practice.

My Anger Management list includes:

  • An anger board, where I write and draw everything that I can do to express my anger
  • Aussie hip hop music. I very rarely swear. But as I’ve recently discovered swearing has been so releasing for me. My favourite is music that expresses difficult emotions through poetry and rap.
  • Mindfulness Pilates, I’m starting to recognise where I am holding tension in my body so I can release it through stretching. 
  • Pinterest boards that have quotes about abuse and pain.
  • Honesty with others. Sharing with my friends about my anger. Their love has been pivotal in my self-acceptance. 
  • Boxing and weight training, and 
  • Verbalising such as “I am feeling angry” instead of leaving it unspoken to harbour.

There is no “right or wrong” way to deal with anger. It is what works for you or your clients. These are just some of my strategies. Keep posted to learn about how these help me in greater detail.

Until then… Have a day,   

Love Laura

Founder of OT for BPD

Published by Beyond Personality Disorders

Founder of My Potential Mental health Advocate; Occupational Therapy Teacher and Researcher Australia “As an occupational therapist diagnosed with BPD I will use this page to share about the various interventions and strategies that are helpful to those with BPD. I will also share about the positive and sometimes challenging approaches that health professionals have used in my treatment in emergency, inpatient, outpatient and community settings. I hope that by sharing my lived experience I can help improve the experience of those struggling to understand Borderline Personality Disorders (BPD) and also support those living with BPD and other mental health challenges Most importantly we will share how occupation can powerfully help change lives!" Laura

2 thoughts on “The Borderline Rage

  1. Laura, I have spent so much of my life lashing out in rage at the people I love and it has taken me years of inner work to get to a place where I can process my emotions and work through my anger. I am so happy to see people like you helping others. Great work.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thankyou so much for your encourgement and understanding! You should be really proud of how hard you have worked towards these challenges! You are inspiring. Thanks for sharing xx

      Liked by 1 person

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