So today for the first time I shared briefly to my third years I have Borderline. We were discussing how violence and trauma can present itself in multiple ways and result in mental illness, drug use, self harm and alcohol misuse …
They already know I am a mental health advocate.
And who knows! some might be following me on here. But A room full of 80 + people makes me feel so scared now. They know. I can’t take it back.
I feel very exposed. So much nervous energy.
I know it will be worthwhile and hopefully just one can learn from me and my experiences. And it needs to happen now while they are young in knowledge and their minds are being mouldered. I hope they can somehow help someone else from what I part with.
But It’s not easy sharing this. I mean fruitcakes for years I couldn’t admit this to myself. I mean facepalm what have I just done….
(Half N hour later)
… ok I need to continue on this journey of creating change. Otherwise I feel like my life is only suffering without some sort of gain. This is meaningful to me. I always knew I was going to fight for someone. Someone with a disability. Now I’m fighting for me.
I hope one day there will be freedom from this shame I feel.
So I’m looking forward to the day I don’t feel dirty, shameful or scared or that I need to self harm to cope because I can just say I have borderline. Full stop !